Tourture & Fairy Tales
by xv-MiZz-HyPeR-mEgZ-vx
Summary: Tourture, Stupid Fairy Tales, Kurama... Does it sound good yet?
1. A Poorly Constructed Grass House

I'm back! This is what happens after you watch Noggin too much and see  
those stupid stories that they make up and invent your own versions. Oh,  
and Jin is going to do the disclaimer.  
Jin: Do I hafta?  
Yes. Now hurry up and I might give you some sugar.  
Jin: Okey-Dokey! This lassie here owns nothing but 'er stuff. Can I have  
candy now?  
Fine, here. -Hands him a bag of candy- Now, on with the fic!  
..............................  
Story One: The Three Little Pigs  
................................  
// You see chaos and disorder. Suddenly a young girl of twelve steps out  
and everyone becomes quiet//  
Me: Hurry up, the production starts in an hour!  
Everyone: Do we have to do this?  
Me: Yes, every single one of you has to do their part. Or you can face the  
wrath of my English book.  
-Everyone scuttles around, doing make-up, putting on costumes, etc.-  
Me: Everyone ready?  
Everyone: Yes Megz.  
Me: Good. Now, here's the script. You can take it on the stage if you must.  
Kurama: Yahoo! I'm not a girl in this twisted story!  
Me: Are you so sure about that?  
Kurama: No ma'm, I will do whatever. Please don't make me play a girl.  
Me: Fine, you can have your wish.  
Kurama: Phew. Thank you Megz.  
Me: Yeah you're welcome. Hurry up and get in you costumes everyone!  
  
The Cast & Crew  
  
Me: Narrator Person  
  
Kurama: The First Pig  
Yusuke: The Second Pig  
Myara: The Last Pig  
Kuwabaka: The Wolf  
Naniona: Apple Selling Lady  
Juan: Lights & Curtains  
Cassy: Props & Costumes  
Hiei: Scenery  
  
Me: Okay, here we go!  
-Everyone goes to their places-  
Me: Once upon a time, there were three related pigs. -Curtain goes up,  
revealing Yusuke, Myara, and Kurama- They were happy little pig. -Pigs  
dance around- Until they got kicked out of the pig colony.  
-Scene changes to a large, desolate field-  
Me: Yeah, and they had to build houses so that they wouldn't get cold and  
stuff like that. -You see the pigs building houses-  
Me: That first pig decided to make his house out of straw & mud. -Kurama is  
standing by his house of straw & mud- that second little pig decided to  
make his house out of grass. -Yusuke is standing by a poorly constructed  
grass house- And that last pig was smart so she went and bought a house.  
-Myara standing in front of a three bedroom house miraculously right next  
to the other two houses-  
-All three pigs go into their houses and shut the doors-  
Me: And then one bright sunny day a wolf came and saw pig #1's house. He  
went up to the house and said.  
Kuwabaka: Let me in you stupid pig.  
Me: And the pig said.  
Kurama: No way am I going to let an idiot like you into my house!  
Me: So, the wolf really wanted that pig after that. Then he got a brilliant  
plan.  
Kuwabaka: I'm gonna get on the roof and smash that house in!  
Me: But little did that big, lumbering baka realize that the pig, being  
smart, had gone out of the back door to the second pig's house. So the mud  
and straw house was smashed for no reason.  
Kuwabaka: Hey, where did Kurama go?  
Me: So the wolf went to the next house and said.  
Kuwabaka: Hey Urameshi! Let me into your poorly constructed grass house!  
Me: And the pig said.  
Yusuke: Stupid mofo, I'd rather go fuck myself than let you into my poorly  
constructed grass house.  
Me: Then the wolf got a plan.  
Kuwabaka: I'll blow down the poorly constructed grass house with my.  
Hairdryer?!  
Me: Yes you blubbering oaf, the hairdryer that Cassy gave you.  
Kurama: Why a hairdryer?  
Me: Because I said so now blow down the stupid house already!  
-Kuwabaka turns on the hairdryer to high, and blows away the poorly  
constructed grass house-  
Me: Little did the baka realize that the 2 pigs had already been gone for  
like, two minuets.  
Kuwabaka: Hey, where are Urameshi and Kurama??  
Me: Then he saw the third house and went to knock on the door.  
Kuwabaka: Hey, Myara let me in to your house!  
Myara: When I become a princess I will let you in my house.  
Kuwabaka: Well, would you like to go buy apples with my on Friday?  
Myara: Yea, fine.  
-Time gap: to Friday-  
Me: So Myara went to go get apples from the apple lady way before Kuwabaka  
could even get up.  
Myara: Hello Naniona. I'd like to buy fourteen bags of apples please.  
Naniona: Here you go little sis. -Hands her apples-  
Myara: Thank you, I really must be going now.  
-Time gap: an hour-  
Kuwabaka: Hey lady! Have you seen a pretty lady come by here?  
Naniona: Yea, she left an hour ago.  
Kuwabaka: Aw man. Well, I have another plan!  
Me: So, the idiot went to a costume shop to go get a Santa costume.  
-Kuwabaka is in a costume shop-  
Kuwabaka: Hey lady can I get that costume right there? -Points-  
Lady: Yea, that'll be for dollars and seven cents.  
-Kuwabaka hands her the money-  
Meanwhile.  
Me: Hey sis! That blubbering stooge is gonna come down the chimney  
tomorrow!  
Myara: Why are you telling me this? You are just the narrator.  
Me: Yea, and I'm also the authoress of this twisted tale.  
-So the baka comes the next day and tries to go down the chimney but gets  
stuck-  
Me: And when he got out of the chimney, he fell into a pot of water and was  
boiled to death. -Kuwabara's screams can be heard- And they lived happily  
ever after until this dude can and repossessed their house and they had to  
move into a different house, but that's a different story.  
-Everyone comes out and bows-  
Me: Hope you liked my twisted tale!  
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@  
  
So how was it? Tell me by pressing that little blue button and giving me a  
review! Flames will be used to cook food and such. No baka's were harmed in  
the making of this story! -Points to the baka- See?  
- Sugarhigh Megz 


	2. Little Black Capey Guy

Another story, another year. So sorry about no updates. Okay, this dude is  
doing the disclaimer. -Pulls random dude from nowhere-  
RDFNW: What? I'm supposed to be at the beach.  
No, you are doing the disclaimer, but I'm going to release you after that.  
Or not, if you prove to be good at this.  
RDFNW: Dude, you own nothing. So can I go?  
Yes. I don't like your style. -RDFNW is poofed away-  
  
................................  
Story Two: Little Red Riding Hood  
................................  
  
Cast & Crew  
  
Hiei: Little Red Riding Hood  
  
Me: Same as last time  
Baka: Wolf yet again  
Yusuke: Woodchopper D00d  
Naniona: Granny  
Cassy: Props and Costumes  
Kurama: Hiei's Mom  
Myara: Scenery  
Juan: Light and Curtains  
  
Me: Okay, hurry into costumes!  
Kurama: Must I play a girl?  
Me: -evil look in eyes- Yes. You have to because I said so and you will be  
thwaped if you don't.  
Hiei: What did I ever do to you?!  
Me: YOU ate ALL the sweet snow! You also used my hairbrush! It's all  
covered in your hair now!  
Hiei: -mumbles something about sweet snow-  
Me: YES YOU DID! You ate it all, and you didn't even leave the box.  
Hiei: Okay, as my punishment I will play this part. -Glares-  
Me: -doesn't notice- Okay, SHOWTIME! -Everyone hustles to get in his or her  
places-  
  
//curtain opens on a badly painted scene of the inside of a house. Hiei &  
Kurama are standing next to a poorly constructed cardboard table. Then, I  
walk onto stage//  
  
Me: Once upon a freakin' time, there was a short d00d who was know as  
"Little Black Capey Guy". -Hiei glares- One dark stormy day in his house  
his mother -Kurama sighs- discovered that they had no, um. SUGAR! Anyway,  
he, I mean she, sent her beloved son to go get some sugar from "Granny Who  
Lives in the Woods".  
Kurama: -gulps- Oh my beloved son, can you go see if your dear old granny  
has a cup of sugar to spare? It would help the process of making the SWEET  
SNOW go faster. -Hands Hiei a plastic cup-  
Hiei: -glares- Why of course dearest mother. I would love to go get a mere  
cup of sugar from my dear old granny even though it is pouring outside.  
-Curtain goes down and when it goes up again, you see Hiei "trotting along"-  
  
Me: And so Little black capey guy went to go see his dear grandma who lived  
in the apartments next to the mall. Then, he decided to go in the mall.  
-Curtain goes down, when it goes up you see the inside of the mall-  
Kuwabara: Hey d00d, would you like to see a nice shiny sword in that small  
run down shop?  
Hiei: HECK YEAH!  
Kuwabaka: So d00d, what are you doing here on this, fine, sunny day?  
Hiei: Hn. I have to go see my granny who lives next door to gent a cup of  
sugar even though I could probably get sugar here.  
Kuwabaka: I have to go, may we meet again d00d.  
Hiei: -enters the run down shop- O.O so many swords..  
  
//meanwhile..//  
  
Kuwabaka: Oh my dearest granny, may I please borrow a cup of sugar so that  
my dearest mother may make sweet snow?  
Naniona: pfft. You can't be my grandson. He's not nearly as nice as you. Go  
away you poser!  
Yusuke: Yeah, go away you poser! She and I were having a discussion about  
evil poser people like you just now.  
Kuwabaka: -walks away crying-  
  
//back to Hiei//  
  
Hiei: -finally stops staring at the swords- What was I supposed to be  
doing? Oh yeah, getting sugar from granny. -Walks away to next door-  
Me: So the wolf was vanquished and Capey guy went to go get his sugar so he  
could take it to his mom. Eventually, he got the sugar and had his sweet  
snow. And forevermore the baka left short guys in capes alone. THE END!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
There you guys go, another demented, sick, twisted tale! Just for your  
amusement.  
Hiei; I hate you.  
It's your fault; you ate all my sweet snow.  
Hiei: You made me look like a baka!  
So? Ja ne minna-san! Review and get a candy of your choice! 


End file.
